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HYMN OF PRAISE TO THE INTELLIGENT DESIGNER
by Philip Appleman
O Clever Designer, I want you to know
I believe in you – but as a favor,
Explain to me, please, all these mysteries
So my faith doesn’t flicker or waver.
Your intelligent windpipe will keep me alive,
And I’m grateful – but hey, were you joking
When you hooked the thing up to my swallowing tube
So I’m always in danger of choking?
O Intelligent One, whose great wisdom designed
All these intricate knee joints and hips,
This journey through life would have been very nice
If they’d lasted the whole bloomin’ trip!
O Brainy Designer, I’m glad that your cunning
Urethra affords me relief.
But why did you wrap a big prostate around it
To give me such misery and grief?
I’m OK with my abdomen – belly and guts,
And most everything you put in it –
But why did you stick an appendix in there
That could rupture and kill me this minute?
Now don’t get me wrong, you’re a brilliant Designer,
But somehow, just every so often,
I fear that your nifty Intelligence will
Design me right into a coffin!